Volunteers Needed

My hubby was just recently made elders quorum president. This is funny advice for him!

Volunteers Needed

By Aaron Johnston	May 12, 2005

Poor elder's quorum president. Here's the guy whose sad job it is to get up every Sunday during priesthood opening exercises and ask for volunteers. The ward, it seems, always needs them.

The sisters need someone to set up tables and chairs for a relief society dinner. The stake needs ushers for stake conference. The ward needs someone to prepare the flowers to be passed out on Mothers' Day.

Volunteers. Volunteers. Volunteers.

But no matter the auxiliary in need, be it the relief society or primary or whatever, it's always the elder's quorum president who gets stuck with the task of recruiting the volunteers.

And that, my friends, is no easy chore.

Because the elder's quorum president can only ask the men. Or at least that's whom hethinks he can only ask.

And asking a group of men to volunteer for manual labor is like asking them to cut off their fingers. It's not going to happen. Or at least not with any enthusiasm. No one's going to shoot their hand skyward and beg for more responsibility.

Well, I shouldn't say no one. Typically there's at least one guy who's willing. And typically it's always the same guy. You know the one to whom I refer: the guy who volunteers for everything and who always stays after activities to help clean up AND who always makes the rest of us feel guilty. The guy for whom a special level of the Celestial Kingdom has already been set aside.

The Golden Boy.

But other than Golden Boy, male volunteers are hard to muster.

Because let's be honest, men aren't like women. Women volunteer readily. And what's more, when women volunteer, they actually show up and do the job. All of them.

I don't mean to rag on men, mind you. Hollywood does that enough already. But let's be honest, when it comes to spur-of-the-moment selfless service, the women got the men beat. Hands down.

Men, if you don't believe me, sneak into any Relief Society meeting and watch those hands go up. Women are volunteering like crazy.

RS President: Sisters, we need some of you to take a dinner to the Morgans' home this week. As you know, Sister Morgan just had surgery.

RS President: (smiling) Now I know all of you want to help, but Sister Morgan assures me that they only need three dinners. So I only need three volunteers.

RS President: Well, it looks like we'll have to make some calls and pick which three of you will be fortunate enough to take over a dinner. Thank you all for being willing.

Meanwhile, at priesthood opening exercises . . .

EQ President: Well, brethren, the stake needs three or four of us to set up chairs for the stake fireside this evening. Any volunteers?

EQ President: By coming early you'll obviously get a great seat for the fireside. Plus, there's refreshments afterwards. Any takers?

EQ President: I'm sure you'll be blessed for your service if you can make it.

EQ President: Well, we'll make some calls and see if we can't find a few of you who could squeeze it in.

Now, to be fair, the first example was one in which a person was in need. And in the second example, the stake, an entity, was in need.

When a person is in need, it's always easier to volunteer. That's because you can actually SEE how your service blesses someone.

If you're helping someone move and loading the truck, for example, you can see the gratitude in their faces.

Unless of course you've dropped a box and broken something of value, in which case they'll curse your name until your dying day.

My point is, if men can put a face with the task, they're typically quick to sign up and help. Sister So-and-so needs her fence mended. Men will show up. Brother So-and-so needs help splitting this winter's firewood. Men will show up.

But if the recipient of the service is a group or organization, getting volunteers is like squeezing water from stone.

It's an interesting phenomenon. And a true one. If the service isn't for a person, the task suddenly seems less urgent.

Somebody else will set up those chairs. Somebody else will be a youth conference chaperone. Somebody else will go work in the bishop's storehouse.

Wise is the elder's quorum president who pays attention to that fact.

EQ President: Brethren, this is Eliza Farmer. She currently works as a church-service missionary in the bishops' storehouse. As you can see from the photo I'm holding, she's getting up in years. She can't lift the boxes like she used to. Can we get a few volunteers to go down on Tuesday and help Sister Farmer with some of her chores?

Now, I'm willing to bet real American dollars that he'll get more volunteers that way. (Well, actually I won't bet anything. President Hinckley's recent address on gambling suggests that's a bad idea.) But putting a face with the task will help. I'm sure of it.

And if it doesn't work, I've got a few ideas as to how the poor sap can recruit the men he needs.

1. Lie

This won't work more than a few times, of course. Eventually the guys will wise up to this. But it's a guaranteed house-filler at least the first time.

Don't tell the men, for example, that they'll be picking apples at the church ranch. Tell them that they'll be racing go-carts and playing paintball.

And don't tell them they'll be cleaning the church from top to bottom, including all the bathrooms and urinals. Tell them that Steve Young is coming to give them some pointers on how to throw a good spiral.

Lie through your teeth. Cook up some really juicy whoppers. Anything goes. Find their weakness and then exploit it.

2. Cry

We Mormons make at least forty percent of our decisions based on guilt. It's a hard truth. Guilt is the great motivator.

Learn how to cry on demand. Learn how to open your tear ducts and let the water flow. Men in the church are suckers for sob stories.

And if that's too hard, learn how to crack your voice in just the right places, so it seems like you're on the verge of tears, but it's only by the sheer strength of your will that you're able to keep those tears at bay.

Sure, nobody likes to see a man cry, but that's why this idea works! When all the boys see you crying up there, they'll do anything to make you stop. Even, yes, volunteer.

EQ President: (sobbing like a baby) Brethren, I don't know what we're going to do. All hope seems lost. I'm at the end of my rope here. The bishop says we need some men to be chaperones at girl's camp, and frankly that's asking a lot. I can't force myself to ask you. Whaaaaahh!! Sob sob sob.

Trust me, men will be so desperate for you to sit down, that they'll volunteer themselves AND the guy sitting next to them.

3. Make it a competition

Most men are competitive to some degree. They love the thrill of winning. Adrenaline is almost as motivating as guilt.

So why not get volunteers, not by simply asking for them, but by holding an arm wrestling competition? Set up a table, have the boys lock hands, and blow a whistle.

They'll grunt and strain and pull as if their lives depended on it. And after a few minutes, once all the losers are identified, you'll have your volunteers.

Of course, if you're needing volunteers to move a heavy piano, it might be a good idea after the arm wrestling to inform them that it's the winners who will be moving the piano. You don't want a bunch of scrawny guys giving themselves a hernia.

And if arm wrestling isn't your cup of herbal tea, try a stick pull or Twister or Capture the Flag. Sure, you may get a few rug burns and some holes in those suits, but at least you'll get all the volunteers you need.

And if you're not up for a test of strength or speed, try a simple round of Draw Straws. Or darts. Or Yahtzee. Boys love a good competition.

4. Food

This one is a no-brainer. Everybody knows that if you wave food under a man's nose, he'll do anything to get it. Hold up a bag of Doritos and a man becomes putty in your hands.

But here's the point that most people don't realize: For this to work, it has to be GOOD food.

Cookies and punch don't cut it anymore. There used to a be a time when men would show up solely on the promise of there being refreshments. But those days are gone.

Chuckling to yourself and saying, "Come on, brethren, there will be food," won't win you any help. This joke isn't funny anymore.

Men need a menu. We need specifics.

To say that there will be "doughnuts" isn't enough information. We need to know that they will be Krispy Kreme Doughnuts picked up while the Hot 'N Now sign was on.

Or to say that "there will be ice cream or something afterwards" is even worse. Ice cream or something? No no no. You've got to sell it, baby. Give it some pizzaz. Make us believe that anyone stupid enough to miss a chance at this ice cream will kick himself for the rest of his sad little non-frozen-dairy life.

"We'll have Neapolitan ice cream, brethren, with sprinkles, M&Ms, and whipped cream as toppings. Heck, I'll even bring some chopped nuts. Oh, and did I mention that this is Ben & Jerry's Neapolitan?"

Actually I don't think Ben & Jerry's makes that flavor, but shoot, the guys' minds will be so busy telling their mouths to salivate, that they probably won't even notice.

And of course don't stop there. Offer bar-b-cue, fried chicken, burgers, steak, anything made of meat. Meat is the winner. But if I were you, I'd save meat for the really nasty jobs. Men will dig the Panama Canal for meat.

And of course if all else fails, if every tactic you try still doesn't win you a work crew, play a clip from General Conference in which some general authority speaks on service and then press pause and ask for volunteers. Once properly motivated by the Spirit, men will volunteer. They'll do anything.

Remind us of our duty, and we'll show up saluting. But don't just ask blandly for volunteers. We're not that converted yet.

Well, not all of us anyway. There is Golden Boy, after all.

not.a,good,person

I.was.thinking.last.night.that.I.am.just.not.a.good.person.

I.dont.mean.I.am.a.bad.person

I.just.mean.I.am.not.good.at.being.person.

I.dont.make.a.good.person.

I.think.I.would.be.a.good.bear.

(story.to.come)

This.sounded.much.better.in.my.head.last.night.

I.need.a.new.keyboard.

My.spacebar.no.longer.works

how sad was this?

MTV Shows

sorry you have to watch a commercial first!

Our President's speech to our children

I wish people weren't so skeptical about what President Obama was planning to say to their children. Regardless of whether or not you like him or agree with his political views, he is still our President and I think it was important for our children to listen to him speak directly to them. I would have thought this was really cool if President Reagan or Bush Sr spoke to us while I was in school.

In case you weren't able to watch it, I have included the text I found on the White House web page. It was his intended speech which other than some changes in phrasing, he stuck to.

What did your children think? What do you think?


 President Barack Obama


Back to School Event

Arlington, Virginia
 September 8, 2009


The President: Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we’ve got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today.

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could’ve stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.

Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."

So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.

Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.

I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.

I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.

I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve.

But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.

And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine – but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.

And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.

You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.

We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.

Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork.

I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in.

So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.

But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.

Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.

Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.

Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn’t speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall.

And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.

Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.

That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.

Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.

But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.

It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.

So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

conference

Found this on www.myregisblog.com
Totally got a kick out of it! Needed to share.

When you're watching conference and they say that the next speaker is going to be Dallin H. Oaks, do you ever misunderstand and think they said Hall & H. Oates? And then do you have a hard time paying attention during the hymn because you are picturing the next talk looking something like this...

And then when the hymn ends and the speaker does get up, are you ever just a little disappointed?

I don't know where my head has been the last few days, but yesterday after I had gotten out of the shower, I realized I had only shaved one leg!

Whistle while you work!

So I got a new vacuum just recently and I love it! I have always enjoyed vacuuming and, no joke, would often vacuum twice a day. Somehow my house seems cleaner when the floors are clean. I often just throw everything on the couches or beds and vacuum first, then put everything away. Anyhow, so I love country music and usually have CMT or GAC on all day while I am doing stuff around the house. The song by Keith Urban, I Wanna Kiss a Girl, is on all the time and it easily sticks in my head. So today I am vacuuming and caught myself singing, "I wanna kiss my vacuum, I wanna hold it tight, and make a little magic in the moonlight!"

It Won't Be Like This For Long

I love this song. It reminds me to enjoy everyday and every stage of life with my kids, no matter how long the stages seem to last or how hard they are. I'm sure one day I will look back and wish potty training was my only worries with my children!

My favorite Aesop

In the old days, when men were allowed to have many wives, a middle-aged Man had one wife that was old, and one that was young: each loved him very much and desired to see him like herself. Now the man's hair was turning grey, which the young wife did not like as it make him look too old for her husband. So every night she used to comb his hair and pick out as many of the white ones she could find. But the elder wife saw her husband going grey with great pleasure, for she did not like to be mistaken for his mother. So every morning she used to arrange his hair and pick out as many of the black ones as she could. The consequence was the man soon found himself entirely bald.

Yield to all and you will soon have nothing to yield.

First Post

Starting my third blog! Blog number one follows my families day to day activities and the growth of my children. Blog number two documents my genealogy and family history. Blog number three will be a place for me to share my thoughts or anything I find worth sharing!

Keep checking back!